apple juice

Every morning when I drive to work, I pass an bright yellow H2. It is parked, in the driveway. The owner’s brand new house and garage do not accomodate the size of his new vehicle.

In the winter when I passed this vehicle, everyday, exhaust billowed out of the tailpipe as the owner warmed it up.

One day I actually saw this car in motion. (I was running a little late) Amazingly, I saw the length of the trip. I saw it back out of the driveway. Start down the street, pull across the street onto my side of the street, drive down to the corner and stop. His daughter was in the front seat. They were waiting for the school bus. 1 block away.

As I was taking evasive manuveurs to avoid crashing into this hulking mass, I stared, dumbfounded, as I passed. He gave me the finger.

I didn’t flash my brights, honk my horn or do anything of that nature. I was confused. He gave ME the finger.

His wife drives a bright yellow “sport edition” Cavalier. It looks like Nascar barfed all over this car. (Racing stripes and what not.) I pass her when I leave work in the afternoon. She drives really fast through her neighborhood. So fast that the old guys at the retirement homes shake their fists as she drives by.

There has been a bunch of press about the SUV small business credit. Write off up to $50k on an SUV for your business! What a deal! The H2 has a giant sticker on it for what I can only assume is his small business.

Today there was a new hulking mass of steel in front of H2 Man’s House. Some sort of vehicle from the 50’s, white washed tires, the length of 3 of my cars. Texas plates.

These are the conclusions I have drawn:

• If Texas were to secede, and Puerto Rico became a state:
• We wouldn’t have to change the flag.
• GWB would no longer be eligible for another term.
• The NRA could move there, and leave us all alone.
• If fuel were $4/gal:
• People would think a bit more before purchasing such a huge vehicle.
• Americans would be skinnier.
• We would have more rail transit.
• We would pollute less.
• I am a giant hypocrite.
• I drive 1.9 miles to work everyday.
• I could ride my bike to work, but don’t.
• My furnace is from 1967.

Here’s what I would like to see happen.

• Give a tax credit to vehicles that get “really good” mileage.
• Fully fund rail transportation in this country and in our state. (Pass the Northstar!)
• Expand the hiawatha light rail line into a whole system of light rail.
• Tax fuel to pay for all this.
• Get Texas to secede